Have you ever bought a gift for someone based off what you like and not what they would like. Then when they opened it they said..."Oh wow, this looks just like something you would like". This blog is all about that. Knowing the person and tailoring the relationship to that individual and not you. When it is not tailor made it does not fit right. I won't be comfortable. It will feel and look weird. So let's tailor make this today. We have got to learn to get pass ourselves to see others needs. My God is not mean and horrible, he would never let your needs go unfulfilled. I hear you all screaming at me..."Talein what about me, I am always giving and doing". Yes, yes, yes! Then if you are not being fulfilled then you are giving to the wrong folks. That is another topic for another day. Let's stay focused. Trust me you all will get your needs met when it is done properly. In another blog, I will deal with the men and them catering to their women. Not today though, it is all about us catering to them.
Yes, we have heard the saying "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus"! There has been books written and movies released, but are we really focused on what is really going on in our relationships, when it come to wants and needs of each other in relationships. We are so focused on what society says, relationship gurus, and the media that we leave the most important person out "Holy Spirit". Now some of you may or may not be spiritually rooted and grounded in the word of God and may not have a clue as to what I am talking about, but I know that God speaks. Often times we are not listening. So much going on in our lives that we miss the still small voice that is speaking so clearly or loudly in these matters. We can also find ourselves in self-destruct mode if we don't reach out for help. So getting the right help is key. Don't try and get it from someone who does not have a clue and would not know where to go to find one. They should be in a stable healthy relationship. There should be fruit and evidence of that in their lives. For those who do follow the Bible, the word has to be our final authority in our lives. He created us, He knows us, and what better way to know what to do then to just ask the Creator.
The Needs a Man are very different from ours ladies. We were created as a helpmate for the man and because things have gotten so off track we find ourselves out of order, not in the will of God as to what he created us for, and it opens us up to so many things God never intended (Genesis 2: 21-25). We sometimes find ourselves blurring the lines and then getting frustrated, because we are deflecting our needs off on the man. Yes, at the end of the day both needs have to be met to create the balance and harmony of a healthy relationship. Don't misinterpret what I am saying. Today, I am talking about us of the female persuasion understanding our role in this aspect of relationships. I am here as a voice crying out in the wilderness through your pain, hurts, disappointments, challenges, struggles, failures, and short-comings to tell you that you can rise above and be healed in these areas. (Romans 3:23-24) I hear you all in the spirit..."Talein the struggle is real". You are rehearsing the monologue you constantly have with your heart that you are still wounded, broken, and have given up the fight to be freed from these things. I am here to tell you, YOU CAN DO IT! It is going to take work and you have to be willing to put in the work and face the fears and realities of the cold hard truth. The mirror is calling you for a time of reflection and as we are approaching the end of a Calendar year, it is time to face the music of your life and create a new melody and song that will bring joy and happiness. Time out for the blues or sad songs, pity parties, and waddling in your fears to get through this. Say it with me "I WILL GET THROUGH THIS! I will conquer this and be in a happy and healthy relationship. Change starts with you. Only you can fix you! So let's get to the work.
So how do you figure this thing out you maybe asking me? Well, once you get pass the 2nd paragraph above you can then focus on this section. His Needs! In my journey of relationships and hearing people's relationship challenges; I have surveyed the scope of what to do focus on his needs! Here are my thoughts:
1, You have to know your man: His likes, dislikes, his favorite color, things to do, eat, etc.
2. Don't look at him like an object of affection to fulfill all your needs. As you get to know him he will ask you your needs. There should be an even exchange so all desires can be met. That means talk to him and share and not talk at him (oohh Lord, I said a mouthful there).
3. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable with him. That means you have to open up so he can be free to open up to you his needs.
4. Do not compare what you think his needs are with a previous man you have been in relationship with. Everyone is different and he should not have to measure up to someone that you are no longer with anyway. There is a reason you all are not together anymore...Hello somebody! So wipe the slate clean for him! No baggage.
5. Finally, Be willing to explore new things, stay current and relevant with him! As we grow we evolve, we do change and we have to shift with the change. Be flexible and pliable and open.
I hope this will help you to explore and look at all of the options to make sure you are giving the Man what he needs and not what you want. Let me know if this has helped you or if you have other tips to share. Trust me, I don't know it all and I am always open to learn what has worked for others. Sharing this blog is appreciated! Thanks in advance.